Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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