she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
