just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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