I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
