you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
