I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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