Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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