Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
