who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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