he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Four minutes until I can fart!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
