Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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