There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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