I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
