I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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