The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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