A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have aggressive nipples.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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