i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
