it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
