"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
A+ Viking dick
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
