toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
