Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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