i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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