If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
