you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
