just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
