I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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