I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
