he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
