so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
