i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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