Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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