he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
