Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
