i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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