Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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