I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
