She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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