So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
