I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
