Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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