i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
