Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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