i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
