I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
