We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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