She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
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There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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