you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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