is your mom at the bar?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
