Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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