Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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