There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
