Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
