HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
