she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
