Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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