Umm I'm too high to move.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
