Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
