Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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