i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
