people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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