My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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