he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
