u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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