is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
