Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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