Non-Jews are for practice
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
