I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
