I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
