What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
