the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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