Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize