we have officially lost it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
