There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
