margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
